Sunday, November 7, 2010

This Month

This particular month has been very hard on me; mainly because of health issues. It seems that I've spent a great deal of time ill lately. I cry out to Adonai. L-rd I need you desparetly. At times I have fallen into deep discouragement but He always brings me comfort. My heart yearns for Hashem as I seek a closer walk with Him. Trials may come and hardships no doubt, but my hope rests in Him.

Thank You Hasem, for your loving kindness. For the wonderful gift
of your Torah, I can't help but be grateful. Thank you inmensly
for the people you've surrounded me with, both friends and family.
Those that encourage my walk, and those that put it to test.

I know it all comes from Him. As I sat in bed reading my bible, I found myself reading from the book of Job. My eyes were drawn to the words there before me. "What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?" Then I sat there thinking. There is a purpose to all this. What can I learn? I asked myself. For one, I'm faced with the choice of trusting my Heavenly Father. That's a good thing. Anything that I must learn, I pray He gives me the understanding to learn.

Throughout all this I have also realized that I can not lock myself in my room and ignore the world around me. Many things have demanded my attention. Though my natural inclination was to sink into depression, I found myself fighting these feelings I knew were not acceptable. Others needed me! I have a young mother to mentor. I have a nephew and neace to encourage. My children are depending on me to teach them. And others were there whom I had to serve. It is not acceptable that I should fall apart!

The strength came to me when I needed it most. Hashem answered my prayers. He alone got me through it all. Each day that passes I have an increasing joy in my heart. One that doesn't seem comprehendable but is there. I find myself singing daily, praises to His name. This is what Hashem does in my life. He gives me victory to live a life beyond my wildest imaginations. What ever time I may have left to live, be it days or years, I want to live it for Him. Though our finances are unstable because the company isn't doing so well, I will trust in Him. Though I may suffer from poor health, I will praise Him. As long as I have breath, I want to praise Him and thank Him.

As this Tish B'Av passes, I will remember that in the midst of what may seem the worst tragedies, our G-d is there. Loving and caring, What a compassionate Father. Surely "those that sow in sorrow will reap in joyful singing" as the psalms tell us. Baruch Hashem!

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