A New Beginning

Here is an old post which somehow never was published.

As this year began I had no idea where it would lead. One thing is certain, my heart's desire has been and still is to serve and know our G-D better and to draw closer to His will. I've always dreaded the thought of being lukewarm; of just getting by each day. Every day that passes, is a blessed opportunity to strive for a higher goal, to learn, to share, to love our Creator and those He has made. My days have changed so much since this year began. Looking back I can say, that it's been a difficult year; and that is just putting it mildly. The hardships nevertheless are by far insignificant when compared to the amazing blessings that have poured into our lives. How can I not be thankful and have a heart filled with joy. An immeasurable peace and love, that can only come from our G-D; that which He has been given to us.

Blessings!

Of Raising Children

When it comes  to children I consider myself far from being an expert. So when my daughter asked me to right a book on raising children, I chuckled at the idea. I know, I have a family which many may consider big and this definitely results in many opportunities for learning; yet while I think, that the time I have invested in my family has taught me many things, there's so much I've yet to learn. My thoughts at this moment, are toward the younger moms out there.Those struggling through those first years and even through the later years. If I could take this opportunity I'd like to just share some of the things I've learned. 

The years spent raising a family seem to have passed rather quickly. Never did I imagined that I'd have a family of eleven children. The fact that I have been able to be a stay-at-home raising a family has been such an amazing blessing in my life. Many lessons have been learned; sometimes through mistakes and others through success brought about by the godly and wise examples in my life. 

More than anything I want to advise young mothers, to make the best of these years. Don't do things without first considering the consequences. What I mean to say, is that when it comes to children, you can never afford to take things lightly. What can seem unimportant  at the present time, can affect your child in unimaginable ways. We as mothers can influence by building up and encouraging; or if not careful our treatment of our children can quickly become a source of discouragement. 

Taking time to try and see life through a child's eyes can be key in successful upbringing. It's the little things that make a difference with time when there is consistency. It's always best to put other things aside when possible. Your child needs to know how important they are to you. This is not to mean that you give in and spoil in any way. Instead, what this means, is that we need to listen. Investing time not only to teach our children but to play with them as well and taking time to work on their diverse interests, is necessary.

One important goal we should have is our relationship with them. Not only would it matter to have them know we love them, but that we actually want to foster a relationship of mutual love, respect, and something along the lines of a discipleship. We need to consider this an immense investment. This is very much a matter of sowing and reaping.

I will stop writing for now, but will continue with the topic as I find more time. As I write this post, I am about a month and a half from giving birth to our twelfth blessing. This is a joyful and exciting time for me, and I hope to make more time to share more posts.

Happily,
Blessed@home

A time to mourn: One mother's painful loss

It's barely been a month and the memory is quite vivid. This is my personal experience of a most terrible loss but I think this is a story worth sharing. I believe so, for the sake of any mother out there going through a similar experience. It was a few months back when I first found out I was expecting. The news came bringing  us feelings of excitement and happiness. The thought of a tender little baby in my arms. This would most definitely be a welcomed blessing in our home. The first weeks were quite tiring and a bit difficult to get by. Currently employed outside my home was quickly becoming a challenge. Because of the proximity of my job, I managed to come home daily for a much needed nap. This helped me somewhat, though managing home and my job was was increasingly difficult due to my pregnancy. My amazing family was so much help during these days, especially my third-born daughter. I am very thankful for them all. 

Up early each day, I managed to drag myself out of bed thinking that surely I'd be quitting in three months. My thought was to hang on just a little longer; then I'd be a stay at home mom once again. I was looking forward to finally being home with my kids, and soon with my baby as well. What a joy these thoughts brought to me. There was so much going through my mind and so many plans to be made. 

Then one day an abrupt event changed everything.  I woke up early one day with the past night's dream very clear in my memory. I usually had dreams and remember them, but it had been a while since this happened. This morning I was shocked at my dream. It was so clear in my mind and very painful as I thought about it. I knew in my heart that this dream meant something and cried thinking what it could possibly mean. In my dream I saw my unborn child, he was a boy with such a look of innocence that left such an impression on me. As I looked into his eyes, I noticed a deep sadness in his eyes. I wondered at such a thing and then before I knew it I woke up. Now this might sound like an ordinary dream to some, but I knew it was for a reason I had dreamt  it. 

I want to explain something about myself before continuing. I'm not superstitious or anything like that. Before this, I hadn't really ever thought much about this, that is until recently. In reality, my thoughts were quite contrary than what I think today. Up until recently I discarded my whole dream thing as coincidences. You see, during every one of my pregnancies I've had a dream of each of my children. I have always dreamt of my babies before they are born, and in my dreams I can tell what their gender is. I know it's a bit bizarre, but true. This has been true of all eleven children. And there was even a particular time, back in 2001 which was unlike the rest. On this day I recalled a dream, when a voice told me I was expecting a boy. What was so strange to me, was that I didn't know I was pregnant. A few hours later I got very sick. I knew somehow that this meant a miscarriage, and a few hours later at the ER, my worst fears were confirmed.

Back to the dream of this last pregnancy, something inside told me what it meant. My thoughts were that something was wrong with the baby, and though I dreaded the thought, I believed it meant I would lose him. As I drove to work that morning I cried and prayed to the L-rd. I cried for help and especially prayed that the baby would be okay. Then a peace came over me, and as tears rolled down my face I spoke to my Heavenly Father saying I will accept your will whatever it may be. 

Shortly after that, not sure how many days I began feeling sick. There was the smallest sign of spotting and the feeling I can't describe, but can just say was of not feeling well. I had only known of my pregnancy a short time, and was only planning to make a doctor's appointment. I thought, maybe this Friday I'll look over my insurance and make my appointment. It was Monday, but as the week progress and no signs of improvement showed I began to doubt about my pregnancy. What if I wasn't pregnant after all, I thought. One short drive to the store and another quick home pregnancy test dispelled those doubts immediately. I was glad to find I was right about being pregnant, but worried about my health.

I continued working, reasoning that it would be alright since my job required me to spend most of the time sitting. It also gave me the opportunity to go home for several hours and get some rest. Yet, every morning as I drove to work, I cried, prayed to G-D, and even spoke to my unborn child. I told my baby how much I loved him, and how he was much wanted by everyone at home. By this time my oldest children knew about my pregnancy, only my four youngest didn't. I had also began telling my children at different times that I wasn't feeling well, and what this could mean for the baby.

Friday morning came, as I woke to discomfort and pain. I got up around four and tried going back to sleep after a while, only to wake to the pain and the thought that I was experiencing contractions. Suddenly, I realized I was covered in blood and as I cried and got up to change, my husband's first thoughts were to call for an ambulance. I asked  him right away not to, but to instead drive me to a hospital very close to our house. I was sitting on chair quite weak as my daughter helped me get dressed and put my shoes on. Suddenly the room seamed to get dark, and I urged my husband to call our first-born. 

All I recall next is waking and while my eyes were yet closed recalling all these things and thinking I would tell my husband what a strange dream I had just dreamt. Unfortunately, as I opened my eyes and realized I was being carried to the car, I became aware it was actually happening. I was in and out of consciousness at the hospital after that with my husband and son by my side.  After a transfusion of several units of blood, I was awake and conscious to the painful reality of having lost my baby. 

 No sooner had I woke from a surgical procedure then my sisters arrived from out of town; immediately to be there by my side. It's beyond words for me to explain how good it did to me; that is, to have their support when I needed most. I felt G-d's loving care through my dear husband, my son, and sisters. Everything seemed to have happened so quickly. I was heartbroken, but at the same time was experiencing an unexplainable peace. This was an experience quite unlike the one during my first miscarriege, when my world was falling apart, and all I wished was to die. It's strange that this pregnancy that I had more time to grow attached to the baby, I was experiencing this peace and serenity. 

I definitely still cry when I remember. I feel a sadness and a loss that I may never quite recover from. There will always be a place in my heart, a memory of my baby. When I returned to my doctor for a follow up, I cried as the doctor explained that what I had thought was one and a half to two months pregnancy was actually closer to four. And of course after the lab results' explanations, she went on to tell me what I already knew....       the baby was a boy.

For any mothers out there having been through this kind of loss, I want to say there is healing. You can go on, and you can find G-D's loving comfort. Pray to Him, draw close to him. He know's your pain. If you can't imagine a greater love than a mother's for her child, let me tell you there is one greater. The greatest love ever, is G-D's love for us. He can heal your aching heart, just seek him. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matt.5:4 

M.J.

Seasons Change

Many days have passed since I last took time to write a post. The things that have transpired since have changed my life quite a bit. There have been major disappointments, difficulties, and changes; but thankfully also great reasons to rejoice in the midst of it all.


The main reasons that kept me from writing were, a crazy schedule that basically required me to commute back and forth during the week, and the arrival of our new addition to the family. It was the birth of my baby girl, that finally gave me an excuse to settle down and once again enjoy my time at home. With my month and a half baby I feel like I'm still on the road to recovery from the busy schedule, though now it is much different. My day revolves around my families needs, mostly my baby's. I'm working my way back to homeschooling my younger children while trying to get into my routine of keeping our home.

Some weeks ago this happened. I received a phone call from my oldest sister announcing my mother had just had a mild stroke, followed by others soon after. Eventually she was admitted to the hospital, and then in a rehabilitation center for people recovering from these types of health problems. My mother has since returned home and is doing much better. 

Once again another phone call was to bring us more bad news. This time it I received the news that another sister was having health problems, and after an appointment with  her doctor and then a specialist, they confirmed she had a tumor. The thing is they could not tell her at the time if there was any cancer involved, but said they would let her know after the surgery. Immediately they set a date; if I'm not mistaken it was within a week. To our shock the surgery revealed that although there was no cancer, the tumor wound up measuring something close to a foot and a half. The good news is she is now recovering from her surgery and thankfully there was no damage caused to her other organs.

Amidst the various health issues in our family, financial hardships, and other things I won't mention here, there are blessing also. For instance, I'm so glad for my mother's recovery as well as my sisters. It helps me realize how blessed I am to have them around. Also, I'm extremely filled with joy, when I look at my baby. She is such a sweet blessing I can't help but smile when I hold her in my arms. One more thing I'd like to mention, is my second born just began attending collage. She has always been such a great helper and  great company that we'll be missing having her around during the day. Still. I'm so happy for her, as I've witnessed her hard work pay off and am definitely proud of her achievements. 

All these things have been, to a huge extent, a great source of gratitude toward Hashem for His goodness; and an enormous motivation to draw closer to Him through prayer. 


All these events bring this Scripture to mind. (Ecclesiastes 3)

 1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 

9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time

The Children Get It: Passing Down our Beliefs to our Children

Pesach is now over, and we are now in the process of counting the Omer. My Pesach dishes have been put away and most things used put back into a storage container labeled with the feast's name with a black permanent marker. Much time and energy were invested in preparing for the feast to the last detail. New dishes were purchased which was a whole ordeal in itself, as I had to make several trips back to the store to get the right match and take back a set with a broken bowl. We changed our kitchen drapes to a gold and white combination for the special occasion, to go along with the table settings and tablecloths. Everything was beautiful and specially set apart for this occasion.

Although I do love to have beautifully table settings, this was not the main focus of this time. Our priority for all the prep was twofold. First of all, we wanted to make sure that all the chametz was destroyed and no trace of it left in our homes, in order to obey the command. To us this meant using separate dishes than the ones we normally use throughout the year in which we eat all manner of foods containing chametz. Next, we wanted to make it quite clear to our children of the importance of obeying the commandment and the special care and deliberate effort invested in this. When we begin our preparations, the children get the importance of the coming date. They remember all the detailed cleaning. They get why we will no longer be using our commonly used dishes for our daily meals. They get our diet for the next few days will be undergoing some major changes. Everything is different, and they get why. And if they are too young, it's an excellent opportunity for them to begin learning and storing up memories for future years.

This time becomes a time of anticipation. We actually look forward to this feast. Everyone enjoys eating the matzo bread, and the creative ways in which we adjust our daily meals. Using special dishes is also a constant reminder of the absence of chametz and its meaning. All the preparation and changes can be a good thing. It's a lesson and reminder of the biblical command to remove the leaven from our dwelling places. It's a blessing to obey HaShem's mitzvahs as a family. We see this feast not as a burden which is difficult to keep, but as a blessing that we may take part of in joyful obedience. As we finished our Seder and began picking up, we could hear our two-year-old singing in his sweetest baby voice the following chorus lines, "Dai, Da-ye-nu...Dai, Da-ye-nu...Dai, Da-ye-nu...Da-ye-nu, Da-ye-nu, Dayenu!" It was indeed a memorable feast.

Bat Mitzvah Celebration

This post will be a short one since I'm ready to go to bed. I'm out of the house most of the week lately and haven't the time to write new posts. This post however, I did not want to put off. This past Shabbat we celebrated my daughter's Bat Mitzvah with our congregation, Zion. It was a memorable occasion as we were blessed to be surrounded by both friends and family. We didn't have much time to prepare due to the fact it wasn't during my daughter's birthday. Actually she talked to our Rabbi and planned it around three weeks ago. I drove her to Rabbi's on three weekends to talk and prepare for her portion. Two days before the big day I was told about a dance my nephew was preparing for this special day. He also asked my kids and me to join them in the dance. Now I'm not that great a dancer to begin with, but I think that I could have done somewhat better if I'd have had a little more time to practice (This you will see in the video posted).
Notwithstanding the short time of preparation and all, we had a joyful and unforgettable time rejoicing with our friends and family. We took many pictures and videos although the whole service is available to be viewed at Zion's website. The part I most enjoyed was hearing Chavah talking about how now she perceived and embraced Hashem and His Word. It actually brought tears to my face. There is just so much gratitude in my heart for Hashem's faithfulness, Baruch HaShem.

                                          music practice before the service

                                          Chavah with her cousin Caleb

                                          Music Team praying

                                          Rabbi watching Kimberly during practice

                                          Rabbi  Hall and Chavah

                                          My husband and I with our daughter

                                          Torah Service

                                          Chava leading the prayers

dancing during the celebration

Believers Beware

Here is an old post from another blog I had. There are a few more posts I'm planning to upload eventually when I have a bit more time. 

Pharaoh in his stubbornness and pride refused to listen to the Almighty, he refused to let his people go. Pharaoh's magicians at first encouraged Pharaoh's refusal to free the people. They convinced him that they with their magic could do the same as Moses. But later on their thinking changed. They saw "The finger of G-d" was the only answer to the entire phenomenon. Sadly, despite believing this, it wasn't enough and they would later have to face G-d's judgment like the rest of Egypt. Only those willing to obey were able to be spared. By the end and throughout the signs, G-ds people were manifest to all.

Today we too are faced with the same decision.  We have to decide whether to believe like the magicians or obey like Israel when preparing for the Passover. Can we get by with just believing with our mind? 

Maybe for now we may believe so, but eventually G-d's children will be made manifest. G-d's children hear and obey Him. Those that think believing is only a matter of the mind, better think twice. What terrible thing to let these sins separate us from G-d. Sometimes even as believers we become captive to these sins. Erroneously we deceive ourselves thinking all we need to do is believe. We are saved by grace, no doubt. But like Israel in the days of Moses, we are required to take action. So many times we read in his word "If you love me, keep my commandments"; But do we actually believe this. Love goes hand in hand with action; it's much more than a feeling. If it were not so, how could we be commanded to love G-d with all our hearts, soul, and might? We are undoubtedly to use all our resources.  In other words, our lives must be evidence of what we believe.

Finally remembering that not all who call him L-rd will be of his kingdom we should then walk in obedience. Obedience to G-d is not in order to earn something.  We can never win our salvation. But when we are truly his children, it will indeed be evident in our lives.  We will not be living like the rest of "Egypt”.

One Godly Woman’s Legacy

My life has been touched by some very special people. I want this post to focus on one whom is no longer with us. One of the persons which has impacted my life the most, was  a godly woman. She was a woman of faith which was actually an encouragement to my own mother. While my parents grew up secular for the most part without a particular creed or religion, they did believe in the existence of G-d. This woman whom I will call Mary, made it her personal responsibility to share the Word with my mom. She constantly invited my mom to church, and when my mom was too busy to attend, she would ask if in her place she would send my older sisters. This woman never gave up, nor would she be turned away so easily by rejection. She was an amazing woman, always showing concern for the wellbeing of others.
Mary’s story was one of triumph. Her young years were filled with sorrow and sadness, but she never let that determine her destiny. She could have blamed outer circumstances as reason for bitterness and resentment. Instead she rose above it all and became the amazing woman who touched the lives of many. Mary grew up with a determined attitude. She knew what she wanted in life, and she fought for what she valued.
This woman had a family of five children. The oldest around my mom’s age. So the gap in age between her and me was quite a large one. For many years I only heard from her occasionally. Running into her and every now and then, we would exchange a few brief words. At the time around my engagement, something changed drastically. I found myself visiting her almost on a daily basis. It was during those visits, that I got to know her in a more personal way.
She was always welcoming and greeted me with a smile every time I came by. Usually during my visits, she would share things about herself with me. There were times that she would pull out a notebook of poems she had written and share them with me. Other times we would sit and just talk about things such as faith and family. The talks were always so interesting and lively, being that besides so much knowledge she had a good sense of humor as well. She would answer my many questions, as I sat there in awe at the wisdom of this elderly woman. I’m not certain whether  she realized an admiration on my part. Mary was a humble woman and many times wondered out loud why I would take the time to visit with her. Maybe it was the fact that I was in my late teen years coupled by the large difference in years between us that made her wonder. Yet she was always grateful and appreciative of my visits.
What I find so remarkable about this woman, is the fruitfulness of her life. She always shared her faith with the people she met along the way. And the thing I now wished I would have asked her about, is one that has constantly been on my mind. Three of her children which were her sons, the other two were daughters, went on to become ministers. One of them actually was the one that conducted my wedding ceremony. How, I wonder, did she raise her children. I know of her children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren; they have continued in the faith even many years after her passing away.
The impact this woman had is one I wish I had, at least on my descendants. It’s not so much the fact that she raised three ministers,  that is the most admirable. What left an impression on me is the fact that she taught her children well. How many times in Scripture we read of a new generation that did not know G-d.
^{7 “}And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the LORD, that he did for Israel.
⁸And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.
⁹And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathheres, in the mount of Ephraim, on the north side of the hill Gaash.
¹⁰And also all that generation were gathered unto their fathers: and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel.
¹¹And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim:
¹²And they forsook the LORD God of their fathers, which brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods, of the gods of the people that were round about them, and bowed themselves unto them, and provoked the LORD to anger.
¹³And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth.”  Judges 2:7-13
It’s heartbreaking to think that G-d’s children would not walk in his ways because the previous generation had failed in teaching their children. This is something I’m constantly repeating to my own children and one of the main reasons we chose to home-school. I pray Hashem gives me the wisdom and diligence to teach my children so that my future descendants will continue to love, serve Him, and walk in his ways.
This is a lesson I get from the Patriarchs. They took such special care to transmit what they valued (the fear of Hashem and love of His Word) to the following generations that even to this day they’re still baring fruit. How amazing is that! We read about Abraham:
^{19 “}For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” Genesis 18:19 
Mary knew the importance of teaching the next generation too. She was diligent and loving, and while I may never know how she raised her children, I can to this day see how effective she was. She was a successful woman in my opinion. May Hashem grant us all, that love Him and are seeking to serve Him, the effectiveness in transmitting to the future generations the fear of the True and Living G-d. May he strengthen us and give us a vision to see past our immediate circumstances and instead focus on what counts to eternity.

Special Sukkot

This year we had a beautiful Sukkot celebration. Sukkot, known to many as the Feast of Tabernacles http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukkot is become a very important part of our faith and family life. We had such a pleasant and edifying time. During this G-D appointed times we somehow connect to our Creator in a way that is amazing. With every feast observed in joyful obedience, we agree to meet with Him in His appointed time which makes it so special. For those of us that can relate, it's meeting up with the one the heart longs for. A date with the one loved. Yes, there is already a relationship there to begin with. And we should always be connected to the source of our life, our G-D. Yet, when He specifically calls to meet with us and we are there, it strengthens our relationship with him in an unexplainable way. There's just a closeness that is just so beautiful.

To begin with we planned our Sukkah and built it ahead of time. The kids all helped decorating it and had fun doing it. We did different activities throughout the celebration. It was a good opportunity for reading Torah and learning more about the feast. We ate our meals there daily, and the kids even slept in it. My allergies didn't allow me to sleep there, but I would have loved to. One day we watched Ushpizin from our laptop. Another time we watched Sukkot related videos and teachings. The kids also had Sukkot coloring pages to work on. And one more thing that made this time so special, was having guest over and sharing a meal with them in our Sukkah. We were so blessed and edified. No doubt it will be a memory to cherish for the whole family. Blessed be the Name of the Most High. This was definitely "Hag Sameach" a happy holiday.

                                                building the Sukkah

                                             decorating the Sukkah

                                       kids enjoying some frozen treats in Sukkah

                                            reading Torah during a meal

                                                       waving Lulav

                                                 two of our guests

                                    we could see the moon through the roof

                                              our Sukkah lighting at night

Reflections On Calling

After picking up my dear son from his GED classes; he, my daughter Kimberly, and I drove over to the park for some exercise. We've been going there to jog for the past few days. This not only gives me time to spend with them, but also some much needed exercise. We had a good jog, and then headed back home. As soon as we arrived, I noticed my 18 month old with his brothers waiting for me outside. Like the past few days, he was so happy to see me home again. Only this time it was different. The first words out of his mouth were "I love you!". I couldn't believe it, my little guy speaking this words so clearly with a big smile on his face. It just melt my heart. He quickly reached for me and I had to hug and kiss him. What a tender moment that was.

Moments like this make me realize how blessed I am with this precious family. I think about the importance of raising up my children in the fear of the L-rd. I'm so grateful for the privilege of motherhood. My desire is to be granted the wisdom to rise up to the occasion or better yet to my calling. I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings in my life. May my love for Him be as sweet, sincere, and tender as the love of a little one. May He guide me and enable me to do the very best for His honor and glory!

Excelling Through Homeschool

In all labor there is profit, so goes the proverb. After more than a decade I'm seeing this fulfilled in our schooling efforts. Yes, I knew my child was learning. And yes, I was aware of his progress, but after hearing this afternoon of how well he was doing in his class I was overwhelmed with joy. I thought about how all those years of work had paid off. It wasn't in vain. We started homeschooling at my son's request at his tender age of four. From the moment we began it was clear to my husband and me that we wanted to do this in honor and obedience to Hashem and His Word. We wanted to raise up a G-d fearing young man that would serve him. It's been to us more of an investment in eternity. Having a close watch over the shaping of his character has been key in his education.

Never did I imagine that his academic progress was better off in my hands. I certainly felt inadequate to teach him most of the time to say the least. But since academic excellence was not priority we went ahead with confidence. Our goals were based on convictions. I knew that his education was my responsibility and I was not about to delegate it to someone else. This is the reason I was pleasantly surprised to find how well my son was doing academically. I can't explain how happy we are to see the young man he's grown to become. And now seeing him doing so well in his schooling gives me a sense of relief, I must admit. Not only is he a mature and faithful young man, but it's good to know that in his obedience he was able to excel in other areas as well.

Praise be to the Almighty. All I have is gratitude towards him for giving me the privilege of being a mom, the blessing of helping shape a young child, and the joy of it all.