The Final Countdown

The long anticipated day was coming; actually, I carefully counted down the days to my due date, but nothing happened. Every day I could feel the baby move; he was quite active. This is basically the reason for my decision to continue waiting. I know that it is important to receive prenatal care, but due to various circumstances I will not get into, I had not received any during this pregnancy. I have to admit there was times of worry and even anxiety over the baby's development. Mostly, my concern was making it full term. I had suffered terrible losses in the past, and could not bare the thought of going through it again.

From the first moment I realized I was expecting, I felt overjoyed much more than could be expressed. I was hesitant however to mention any thing about it, due to my husband's concern for my health. I came very close to death last year, and it had been something terribly tough for my husband to deal with. Thankfully due to his fast action and quick thinking, he was able get me quickly to the hospital, which in turn saved my life, B'H. Now pregnant once again, I didn't want to see him worry about me. The thought of a such a wonderful blessing was much too delightful to be clouded by those sad memories. So I went through the first three months keeping the news to myself.

The months went by, and my estimated due date was to be on June the 17th. I was growing quite big, and was thinking along with my daughter, the baby would be arriving earlier than expected. But, the day came, and left without the arrival. For several weeks, I had been experiencing contractions, which would only turn out to be false labor. June passed and July began, but the baby was not ready to be born just yet.

Finally on a Friday after a couple of hours of contractions we decided to go to the hospital. I knew that even if it turned out to be false labor, going there was a good decision. And so we went late that night, and as expected, the contractions began to lessen and come further apart. At the hospital however we all agreed that the best thing was for me to stay there and be induce if necessary. So it was that I stayed there with my husband and was induced. After a long tiring night in labor, the baby was finally born the following morning.

With great joy we welcomed our newborn. Ever thankful to Hashem, we rejoiced with admiration at the sight of our healthy, newborn, baby boy. My concerns about our baby's health were now put behind. I was finally able to embrace the blessing I had long awaited.  We now have twelve blessings in our home, and I am greatly thankful for each one of them. Last Erev Shabbat as we sat around our table, I laughed to see our toddler line up for a second time, while giggling,  to receive a blessing from her Daddy. And then, I couldn't hold back the tears, to see my husband bless our newborn child. I was filled with such joy and gratitude at HaShem's kindness in blessing us with such wonderful gifts. May he give us the wisdom and strength to raise up a G-dly generation.

"Every day I will bless YOU and praise YOUR NAME forever and ever."[Psalms (Tehillym) 145. 2 

Greatly and wonderfully,
Blessed@Home

Of Raising Children

When it comes  to children I consider myself far from being an expert. So when my daughter asked me to right a book on raising children, I chuckled at the idea. I know, I have a family which many may consider big and this definitely results in many opportunities for learning; yet while I think, that the time I have invested in my family has taught me many things, there's so much I've yet to learn. My thoughts at this moment, are toward the younger moms out there.Those struggling through those first years and even through the later years. If I could take this opportunity I'd like to just share some of the things I've learned. 

The years spent raising a family seem to have passed rather quickly. Never did I imagined that I'd have a family of eleven children. The fact that I have been able to be a stay-at-home raising a family has been such an amazing blessing in my life. Many lessons have been learned; sometimes through mistakes and others through success brought about by the godly and wise examples in my life. 

More than anything I want to advise young mothers, to make the best of these years. Don't do things without first considering the consequences. What I mean to say, is that when it comes to children, you can never afford to take things lightly. What can seem unimportant  at the present time, can affect your child in unimaginable ways. We as mothers can influence by building up and encouraging; or if not careful our treatment of our children can quickly become a source of discouragement. 

Taking time to try and see life through a child's eyes can be key in successful upbringing. It's the little things that make a difference with time when there is consistency. It's always best to put other things aside when possible. Your child needs to know how important they are to you. This is not to mean that you give in and spoil in any way. Instead, what this means, is that we need to listen. Investing time not only to teach our children but to play with them as well and taking time to work on their diverse interests, is necessary.

One important goal we should have is our relationship with them. Not only would it matter to have them know we love them, but that we actually want to foster a relationship of mutual love, respect, and something along the lines of a discipleship. We need to consider this an immense investment. This is very much a matter of sowing and reaping.

I will stop writing for now, but will continue with the topic as I find more time. As I write this post, I am about a month and a half from giving birth to our twelfth blessing. This is a joyful and exciting time for me, and I hope to make more time to share more posts.

Happily,
Blessed@home

A time to mourn: One mother's painful loss

It's barely been a month and the memory is quite vivid. This is my personal experience of a most terrible loss but I think this is a story worth sharing. I believe so, for the sake of any mother out there going through a similar experience. It was a few months back when I first found out I was expecting. The news came bringing  us feelings of excitement and happiness. The thought of a tender little baby in my arms. This would most definitely be a welcomed blessing in our home. The first weeks were quite tiring and a bit difficult to get by. Currently employed outside my home was quickly becoming a challenge. Because of the proximity of my job, I managed to come home daily for a much needed nap. This helped me somewhat, though managing home and my job was was increasingly difficult due to my pregnancy. My amazing family was so much help during these days, especially my third-born daughter. I am very thankful for them all. 

Up early each day, I managed to drag myself out of bed thinking that surely I'd be quitting in three months. My thought was to hang on just a little longer; then I'd be a stay at home mom once again. I was looking forward to finally being home with my kids, and soon with my baby as well. What a joy these thoughts brought to me. There was so much going through my mind and so many plans to be made. 

Then one day an abrupt event changed everything.  I woke up early one day with the past night's dream very clear in my memory. I usually had dreams and remember them, but it had been a while since this happened. This morning I was shocked at my dream. It was so clear in my mind and very painful as I thought about it. I knew in my heart that this dream meant something and cried thinking what it could possibly mean. In my dream I saw my unborn child, he was a boy with such a look of innocence that left such an impression on me. As I looked into his eyes, I noticed a deep sadness in his eyes. I wondered at such a thing and then before I knew it I woke up. Now this might sound like an ordinary dream to some, but I knew it was for a reason I had dreamt  it. 

I want to explain something about myself before continuing. I'm not superstitious or anything like that. Before this, I hadn't really ever thought much about this, that is until recently. In reality, my thoughts were quite contrary than what I think today. Up until recently I discarded my whole dream thing as coincidences. You see, during every one of my pregnancies I've had a dream of each of my children. I have always dreamt of my babies before they are born, and in my dreams I can tell what their gender is. I know it's a bit bizarre, but true. This has been true of all eleven children. And there was even a particular time, back in 2001 which was unlike the rest. On this day I recalled a dream, when a voice told me I was expecting a boy. What was so strange to me, was that I didn't know I was pregnant. A few hours later I got very sick. I knew somehow that this meant a miscarriage, and a few hours later at the ER, my worst fears were confirmed.

Back to the dream of this last pregnancy, something inside told me what it meant. My thoughts were that something was wrong with the baby, and though I dreaded the thought, I believed it meant I would lose him. As I drove to work that morning I cried and prayed to the L-rd. I cried for help and especially prayed that the baby would be okay. Then a peace came over me, and as tears rolled down my face I spoke to my Heavenly Father saying I will accept your will whatever it may be. 

Shortly after that, not sure how many days I began feeling sick. There was the smallest sign of spotting and the feeling I can't describe, but can just say was of not feeling well. I had only known of my pregnancy a short time, and was only planning to make a doctor's appointment. I thought, maybe this Friday I'll look over my insurance and make my appointment. It was Monday, but as the week progress and no signs of improvement showed I began to doubt about my pregnancy. What if I wasn't pregnant after all, I thought. One short drive to the store and another quick home pregnancy test dispelled those doubts immediately. I was glad to find I was right about being pregnant, but worried about my health.

I continued working, reasoning that it would be alright since my job required me to spend most of the time sitting. It also gave me the opportunity to go home for several hours and get some rest. Yet, every morning as I drove to work, I cried, prayed to G-D, and even spoke to my unborn child. I told my baby how much I loved him, and how he was much wanted by everyone at home. By this time my oldest children knew about my pregnancy, only my four youngest didn't. I had also began telling my children at different times that I wasn't feeling well, and what this could mean for the baby.

Friday morning came, as I woke to discomfort and pain. I got up around four and tried going back to sleep after a while, only to wake to the pain and the thought that I was experiencing contractions. Suddenly, I realized I was covered in blood and as I cried and got up to change, my husband's first thoughts were to call for an ambulance. I asked  him right away not to, but to instead drive me to a hospital very close to our house. I was sitting on chair quite weak as my daughter helped me get dressed and put my shoes on. Suddenly the room seamed to get dark, and I urged my husband to call our first-born. 

All I recall next is waking and while my eyes were yet closed recalling all these things and thinking I would tell my husband what a strange dream I had just dreamt. Unfortunately, as I opened my eyes and realized I was being carried to the car, I became aware it was actually happening. I was in and out of consciousness at the hospital after that with my husband and son by my side.  After a transfusion of several units of blood, I was awake and conscious to the painful reality of having lost my baby. 

 No sooner had I woke from a surgical procedure then my sisters arrived from out of town; immediately to be there by my side. It's beyond words for me to explain how good it did to me; that is, to have their support when I needed most. I felt G-d's loving care through my dear husband, my son, and sisters. Everything seemed to have happened so quickly. I was heartbroken, but at the same time was experiencing an unexplainable peace. This was an experience quite unlike the one during my first miscarriege, when my world was falling apart, and all I wished was to die. It's strange that this pregnancy that I had more time to grow attached to the baby, I was experiencing this peace and serenity. 

I definitely still cry when I remember. I feel a sadness and a loss that I may never quite recover from. There will always be a place in my heart, a memory of my baby. When I returned to my doctor for a follow up, I cried as the doctor explained that what I had thought was one and a half to two months pregnancy was actually closer to four. And of course after the lab results' explanations, she went on to tell me what I already knew....       the baby was a boy.

For any mothers out there having been through this kind of loss, I want to say there is healing. You can go on, and you can find G-D's loving comfort. Pray to Him, draw close to him. He know's your pain. If you can't imagine a greater love than a mother's for her child, let me tell you there is one greater. The greatest love ever, is G-D's love for us. He can heal your aching heart, just seek him. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matt.5:4 

M.J.

A New Love

I've been away quite a while, but haven't forgotten about this blog. My schedule is pretty hectic lately, which barely leaves me enough energy or time to check my e-mails. Sometimes I will check my e-mail briefly about once a week mostly on our phone because it's faster. The thing is, beside my tiring schedule, one other thing I've been dealing with is a new pregnancy. Of course this is exciting news for my family and me, though it happens to be during a very busy time. I've got about two months to go and don't know yet if we'll be having a boy or girl. All I know, is I love the thought of soon holding my little one in my arms. 
Monday thru Thursday I'm out all day driving between one city to another. I come home late at night to finally get some much needed rest. I'm hoping to be able to continue for at least another month. As of the past few weeks, I've been driving my kids to either college, college prep classes, and/or volunteer work at a nearby hospital. Soon they'll be of on their own, and I'll be awaiting the arrival of our new family member. We are very blessed and grateful for Hashem’s goodness.

Why Me?

 
   When things go wrong an expression often heard is, "Why Me?" Whether we had it coming or not makes little difference. We may question in self pity many times, as if saying "What have I done to deserve this?" The attitude may often be that of "I deserve better". Well, I'd like to take on a different approach to this commonly used phrase, and here's a reason why.

   Yesterday I was feeling worn out and extremely exhausted. Perhaps to a great degree the lack of sufficient sleep was the culprit. A poor diet coupled with the long errands of that day only made matters worse. Sometime around 6:00 in the afternoon I was finally free, and ready for a much awaited nap. I turned my TV on to drown out the noise and nestled in my bed. Shortly after this, my 16-year-old walks in with a bowl of food for me. Of course I was pleased and grateful, but I told her I was too tired to eat and all I wanted was to get some rest. Not long after my daughter came, in walked my 10-year-old son with what else, but a bowl of food for mom. I thanked him as well and explained that I'd gladly eat later after taking a nap. Before I went to sleep, I had one more visitor; and of course he was not empty-handed. This time it was my two-year-old. With the sweetest tone and baby voice he called to me, "Here Ima, for you," and handed me a bowl with food. Oh how sweet it is to have such thoughtful children. It fills me with great joy and gratitude.

   As I reflect on things I wonder, "Why me? L-rd why are you so kind to me. I know I don't deserve it." There are so many excellent mothers out there. Some moms are very organized, some are very sweet, other are so much fun to be around, and others excellent cooks or home managers. I don't feel adequate in any of these areas I don't consider myself the virtuous woman I ought to be, though I truly want to be. Yet I'm constantly showered with love and kindness. So much so, that it makes me feel unworthy. At times like this all I can say is, "Thank you L-rd for the many blessings; for the love with which you've surrounded me." I'll always cherish moments like this, and my heart will be full of joy and gratitude.

An Excellent Daughter, the Greatest Mother

     When my mother was around 18 years old her life was turned up-side down, due to a terrible occurrence. Her mother had a tragic accident, which brought on an unexpectedly early death; shortly thereafter, her father's health quickly declined leaving him in a bed-ridden state, which required constant care. While yet grieving the loss of her mother, my mother found herself caring for her father as his health abruptly deteriorated. Despite the fact that she was not the oldest, she stepped into the role of taking responsibility for her father. For months, she would tend to him night after night, while having to adjust to the move, to her grandmother's house.

     It was during this difficult time that she would meet the man, who would soon be her future husband. While staying at her grandmother's house, she met a young man, who was a close friend of the family. He was very much welcomed there, as her grandmother recognized and valued the character traits this young man possessed. The idea of her granddaughter marrying this young man was set in her mind. However, my mother was not the granddaughter she had in mind for him, since she had another granddaughter close to her at the time. The grief caused by her father's health was too much for her to bear, let alone have time to think of other things. It was during this distressing time that her loving kindness and the way in which she honored her father, won this young man over. Sometime later, after my mom's father passed away, my father asked her to marry him. My mother at times jokingly has said that he just felt sorry for her and all she went through. Contrary to this idea, is the fact that my father always had a great reverence for his own parents, and highly esteemed these types of values. My mother was not a woman that spoke beautiful things about her ideals. She was not looking to be noticed. She was not even someone who was looking for a relationship. She was only being herself. Not a lot of talk, just action. She lovingly served her father to his very last breath.

     Many years later she once again found herself in a similar situation; this time it was her husband in his deathbed. Also due to an accident, this in his case happened at work. She cared for him throughout many difficult months, day and night there by his side until the day he too passed away. When she found herself on her own, and facing all the needs of her family, she did all she could to become the sole provider and head of the family. This meant two jobs, in order to get my older sister through college, while supporting four more children. By this time, two of my siblings were married and living in their new homes. My mother's life was basically dedicated to serving others and sacrificing herself. Although she had the opportunity to remarry, she decided her family was more important and without giving it a second thought, denied herself the possibility of remarrying. My mother, always a hardworking woman, only decided to quit her second job after many years, and after speaking to our pastor, who urged her to attend services with her whole family. Her strong character, dedication, loving kindness and the way she sacrificed herself without hesitation are things I highly admire in her. I will never be able to thank her enough for all she's done and for setting such a high standard of both an excellent daughter and mother. May the L-rd give her many more years of life to see the fruit of her labor, and to give me the opportunity to show her how much I love and admire her.

     There are many other things in her life, that I could write about, so much so, that I could fill a whole book's worth, only- I selected this short description instead, in her honor, as Mother's day approaches, though I strongly believe everyday should be Mother's day.

                                Still grieving over her father's death at the time of the wedding.

                                     

Time Does Fly

Yes, I remember posting this in an old blog about a couple of years ago. I'm feeling so blessed to be able to be with my family, that when I found it, I thought it be great sharing it once again. Though at times I can get caught up in the many distractions of life, I like to stop and just thank my L-rd for His goodness, and all the blessings He's poured on me. There's no doubt, children are a blessing!

I'm inserting this recent picture along with this post, which I think is hilarious by the way. See, some of the kids were distracted and looking down when I was about to take their picture: so this is what happens, when I tell them...

LOOK UP!

 

Time does fly

'Now they're little but soon they'll be grown!' Time does indeed fly. Kids will only be kids for so long; then whether we like it or not they'll grow. Let me put it like this. Remember when you were younger? How about... Ever think your parents were once kids themselves? At times it may seem that time goes rather slow. This is especially true when we are struggling. When will I get a full night's sleep again? When will I stop having to change diapers? When ,when, when? Then, there are all those things you'd like to be doing but can't.
Kids are a great investment. We invest a great deal of time, energy, strength, emotions, money, and the list goes on and on. There are certainly many sacrifices that must be made when raising a family. Personally, I think at times of things I'd like to do when the kids grow a bit more and I'm able to get away a little longer. But all that can wait. Nothing is more valuable than my time with them now. I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything else in the world. There is a poem that puts it so well, which I'll gladly post later on. But for now, I'll just say that I'm eternally grateful to the L-rd for the opportunity of being a mom and the blessing of every minute I'm able to enjoy it!               PRAISE ADONAI!

One Godly Woman’s Legacy

My life has been touched by some very special people. I want this post to focus on one whom is no longer with us. One of the persons which has impacted my life the most, was  a godly woman. She was a woman of faith which was actually an encouragement to my own mother. While my parents grew up secular for the most part without a particular creed or religion, they did believe in the existence of G-d. This woman whom I will call Mary, made it her personal responsibility to share the Word with my mom. She constantly invited my mom to church, and when my mom was too busy to attend, she would ask if in her place she would send my older sisters. This woman never gave up, nor would she be turned away so easily by rejection. She was an amazing woman, always showing concern for the wellbeing of others.
Mary’s story was one of triumph. Her young years were filled with sorrow and sadness, but she never let that determine her destiny. She could have blamed outer circumstances as reason for bitterness and resentment. Instead she rose above it all and became the amazing woman who touched the lives of many. Mary grew up with a determined attitude. She knew what she wanted in life, and she fought for what she valued.
This woman had a family of five children. The oldest around my mom’s age. So the gap in age between her and me was quite a large one. For many years I only heard from her occasionally. Running into her and every now and then, we would exchange a few brief words. At the time around my engagement, something changed drastically. I found myself visiting her almost on a daily basis. It was during those visits, that I got to know her in a more personal way.
She was always welcoming and greeted me with a smile every time I came by. Usually during my visits, she would share things about herself with me. There were times that she would pull out a notebook of poems she had written and share them with me. Other times we would sit and just talk about things such as faith and family. The talks were always so interesting and lively, being that besides so much knowledge she had a good sense of humor as well. She would answer my many questions, as I sat there in awe at the wisdom of this elderly woman. I’m not certain whether  she realized an admiration on my part. Mary was a humble woman and many times wondered out loud why I would take the time to visit with her. Maybe it was the fact that I was in my late teen years coupled by the large difference in years between us that made her wonder. Yet she was always grateful and appreciative of my visits.
What I find so remarkable about this woman, is the fruitfulness of her life. She always shared her faith with the people she met along the way. And the thing I now wished I would have asked her about, is one that has constantly been on my mind. Three of her children which were her sons, the other two were daughters, went on to become ministers. One of them actually was the one that conducted my wedding ceremony. How, I wonder, did she raise her children. I know of her children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren; they have continued in the faith even many years after her passing away.
The impact this woman had is one I wish I had, at least on my descendants. It’s not so much the fact that she raised three ministers,  that is the most admirable. What left an impression on me is the fact that she taught her children well. How many times in Scripture we read of a new generation that did not know G-d.
^{7 “}And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the LORD, that he did for Israel.
⁸And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being an hundred and ten years old.
⁹And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathheres, in the mount of Ephraim, on the north side of the hill Gaash.
¹⁰And also all that generation were gathered unto their fathers: and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel.
¹¹And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim:
¹²And they forsook the LORD God of their fathers, which brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods, of the gods of the people that were round about them, and bowed themselves unto them, and provoked the LORD to anger.
¹³And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth.”  Judges 2:7-13
It’s heartbreaking to think that G-d’s children would not walk in his ways because the previous generation had failed in teaching their children. This is something I’m constantly repeating to my own children and one of the main reasons we chose to home-school. I pray Hashem gives me the wisdom and diligence to teach my children so that my future descendants will continue to love, serve Him, and walk in his ways.
This is a lesson I get from the Patriarchs. They took such special care to transmit what they valued (the fear of Hashem and love of His Word) to the following generations that even to this day they’re still baring fruit. How amazing is that! We read about Abraham:
^{19 “}For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” Genesis 18:19 
Mary knew the importance of teaching the next generation too. She was diligent and loving, and while I may never know how she raised her children, I can to this day see how effective she was. She was a successful woman in my opinion. May Hashem grant us all, that love Him and are seeking to serve Him, the effectiveness in transmitting to the future generations the fear of the True and Living G-d. May he strengthen us and give us a vision to see past our immediate circumstances and instead focus on what counts to eternity.